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I'm Doctor Ian Kerner from goodinbed.com with AskYourTango. Raven asks:
I've never had an orgasm. Sex tips? my boyfriend is starting to get a little insecure about it but I blame myself. The sex is good but no orgasm. I'm starting to wonder if it's just impossible for me or if we should be doing something different.
Well first of all, what I'd like to say is don't worry about it, don't get yourself too anxious because really studies have shown that the more you worry about something like having an orgasm the less likely you are to have it. If fact there have been some studies have shown that the key to the female orgasm is actually to relax, let go and disconnect.. Actually, parts of the female brain that are associated with stress and anxiety need to deactivate during the female process of arousal. The other thing you need to know is that the clitoris is the powerhouse in the female orgasm and during sex, especially during intercourse most positions miss the clitoris altogether. So first thing you should do is get comfortable stimulating the clitoris and by that I mean more self-pleasure, more masturbation go out by a sex toy, buy a vibrator and just get really comfortable with the kind of clitoral stimulation that gives you an orgasm. Secondly, study after study has shown that that intercourse is an activity that least likely to lead to the female orgasm so instead of thinking about just intercourse you really need to focus on intercourse plus. And by that I mean intercourse plus manual stimulation, intercourse plus oral stimulation. I personally believe that when it comes to the female orgasm that the tongue is mightier than the sword. So you should really get in the habit of turning foreplay things like oral sex into core-play- complete acts of lovemaking. There's no reason your boyfriend shouldn't be able to orally stimulate you and bring you very close to orgasm if not to orgasm. And if you wanna have intercourse and he's bringing you very close to orgasm get yourself into what I call the 90 second window where you feel that you were close to having an orgasm and then transition into a sex position like, woman on top which provides the most direct persistent clitoral stimulation. Not only is foreplay really important but also remember that the brain is the biggest sex organ and really using your tongue for more than just oral sex; using your tongue to talk, communicate especially share sexy fantasy all of that stuff helps you out relax and anticipate the sex that’s to come.
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